Joanna Ramos, a Fifth Grader Essay

Pre-teens will inevitably get into trouble but understanding and non-judgmental adults can minimize this trouble by frequently chatting with their preteen about life, about their problems in school, and about what may be bothering them (O'Donnle, About.com ).

The University of Alabama Parenting Assistance line (PAL) recommends practicing the 3 W's namely knowing at all times "where your children are, know what they are doing, and who they are with! "

All children -- as do all people -- like and need structure and need consequences for violating and adhering to structure. Pre-teens and teens are no different. Pre-teens should be given a clear set of rules as well as consequences for violating those rules. Pre-Teens, in fact, may be involved in creating these rules. They are more likely to follow them if they are involved.

Effective rules need clear limits and clearly communicating these limits. Adults should specify details of more appropriate behavior and why this behavior is more advantageous for kids Adults should give cues for the new behavior, provide teens with choices in practicing this behavior, and guide them in adapting to requirements. All new habits, they should be told, may be challenging in the beginning, but with time and support, as well as motivation (and set backs), habits may be mastered. Kids should be helped to see the benefits of these new habits and helped to master them. Most important, necessary changes should be done in their environment so that their environment helps them effect change. A challenging peer pressure society or school that is educationally poor and lacking in discipline may be more of a setback than a help to teens attempting to make positive change in their lives.

Adults can use positive helpful strategies such as redirection, active listening, I-messages, conflict resolution, and recognizing and dealing with strong emotions.

Pre-teens are on the cusp of adolescence. They will be dealing with an adult world where conflicts are the norm. Giving them the tools to deal with the conflict in a savvy, adult-like manner, articulating their emotions rather than fighting them aggressively will preempt much of the bullying and aggression that seems to be the norm in contemporary American schools and college campuses. Giving them these tools now can also help them greatly later on in life.

Parents and teachers, too, should spend quality time with pre-teens letting them know that they are concerned with their problems and open to speak to them and listen to them whensoever the child wishes. Interest should not be intrusive: "If you listen when they talk about the 'little things', they will be more apt to discuss the 'big' issues with you later on" (PAL).

Most importantly, parents and teachers should model the behavior that they expect and demand form the teens. Children are particularity susceptible and vulnerable to hypocrisy. They are more savvy than most adults consider them to be. Hypocrisy is a big turn-off. Education and discipline initiates with self-discipline from the adult before being imparted to the pre-teen. If done so, and done so consistently, there is more of a chance of success.

Source

ABC News.(Feb 26, 2012 ) 11-Year-old Girl Dies After Fight With Classmate Over Boy. http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2012/02/11-year-old-girl-dies-after-fight-with-classmate-over-boy/

The University of Alabama Parenting Assistance line (PAL) http://www.pal.ua.edu/discipline/sa_trouble.php

Marion, M. (nd). Positive Guidance and Discipline Strategies: Description and Explanation. Education.com

http://www.education.com/reference/article/positive-guidance-discipline-strategies/

Menzer, T. (February 28, 2012 )10-year-old girl dies after school fight . Security Info Watch. http://www.securityinfowatch.com/news/10634634/10-year-old-girl-dies-after-school-fight

O'Donnle, J. Preteens - a Parent's Guide to Understanding Preteens. About.com http://tweenparenting.about.com/od/tweenculture/tp/Parenting-Preteens.htm