Study Document
Personal Identity and Career Essay
Pages:2 (511 words)
Document Type:Essay
Document:#36016966
Peer Reviewer's Name And Email:
"As a peer reviewer, your job is not to provide answers. You raise questions; the writer makes the choices. You act as a mirror, showing the writer how the draft looks to you and pointing our areas which need attention." -- Sharon Williams
Don't overwhelm the writer with too much commentary. Stick to the major issues. You need not respond to all of the questions/suggestions in this form. Comment on all five areas, but within this framework choose the questions that are most appropriate for the specific paper.
Read the draft, record your first impressions, and respond to the five areas listed below.
Assertion:
Clarity, importance
This essay makes the case that Martha Graham is one of the leading female artists of the 20th century. It gives evidence of her life and career and shows how she became a celebrated artist. It pays attention to detail and is still a work in progress so the final product should be very interesting. Why Graham should be written about today is an important topic and so it is good to see this artist highlighted.
Evidence:
relevance, strength, credibility
There are some footnotes in the paper and Maureen has indicated that she plans to plug in many more so I do not see a problem with evidence or support coming up. The essay proceeds in a linear fashion, describing the main points of Martha's life and career, so it is logical in the way it proceeds.
Organization:
arrangement of ideas, guiding the reader
It is organized well but I would suggest that a clearer organizing principle be used to bring the paper together more tightly -- some theme highlighted that can be returned to. This may be the direction that Maureen is heading in, with hints of Martha being at the frontier of her movement -- so this will probably work well. Once the paper is sufficiently fleshed out, I think it will be very impactful.
Mechanics:
spelling, grammar, punctuation
Some of the paper's mechanics may need some attention. For instance, in the first paragraph, there is an incomplete sentence: "Prominent because, she made gender and personal identity the inspiration, and center of her work" -- and the comma usage here is another point that should be gone over. This can all…
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